My Olympics

Citius Fortius Altius Revisited

With the 2004 Olympics about to begin, I have been thinking about the large number of sports that make up the Olympics. There are too many sports, and a lot of them are stupid. For example, baseball and softball are Olympic sports, and synchronised swimming is ridiculed because it is an art-form rather than a sport. So I have decided to get rid of the stupid sports from the Olympics, and I have decided that removing all sports that do not conform to the Olympic Ideals swifter, stronger, higher is a good place to start. I use these ideals as the basis of removing sports and adding new sports to my Olympic games.

Sports to Remove

Before I start removing sports from my Olympics, I can simplify the Ideals by removing higher, as it is really similar to swifter. I can now throw out all sports that do not fit the two Ieals. However, this does not leave us many sports, so I will keep all sports that can be used to kill people, so I will rewrite the Ideals to read swifter, stronger deadlier. My main reason for doing this is that the traditional Ideals do not mention dexterity, and martial arts are an excellent way of testing an athlete's dexterity. Besides, people who practise these sports may kill me if I suggest removing their sports!

So following My Olympic Ideals, what sports are we left with? Looking at the Athens 2004 Olympics sports page, we see there are 36 sports and major disciplines. I shall start at the top.

Olympic Sports: In or Out
Sport	In or Out?	Reason
Aquatics: Swimming	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Aquatics: Water polo	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Aquatics: Diving	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals and requires artistic merit.
Aquatics: Synchronised swimming	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals and requires artistic merit.
Archery	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Athletics	In	All athletics disciplines fit the Olympic Ideals swifter or stronger.
Badminton	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Baseball	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Basketball	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Boxing	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Canoing	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Cycling	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Equestrian: Dressage	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals and requires artistic merit.
Equestrian: Jumping	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Equestrian: Eventing	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Fencing	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Football	Out	Dies not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Gymnastics	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals and requires artistic merit.
Handball	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals and I do not know what it is!
Hockey	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Judo	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Modern pentathlon	In	Fits the Olympic Ideals.
Rowing	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Sailing	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Shooting	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Softball	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals. (Why are softball and baseball Olympic sports?)
Table Tennis	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals. (Besides, ping pong is only one step away from tidily winks.)
	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Taekwondo	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.
Tennis	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Triathlon	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal swifter.
Volleyball: Beach	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Volleyball: Indoor	Out	Does not fit the Olympic Ideals.
Weightlifting	In	Fits the Olympic Ideal stronger.
Wrestling	In	Fits my Olympic Ideal deadlier.

Excellent, that is 16 sports dropped from my Olympics. I am kind of sad about dropping gymnastics, but it is effectively synchronised swimming on dry land so it has to go. The loss of beach volleyball will also sadden many, but it does not fulfil my Olympic Ideals. Now we have space to add some more interesting sports that fit the Olympic Ideals.

New Sports

Any new sport has to fit my Olympic Ideals: further, swifter, deadlier, and must not require artistic merit. Most ball-sports are out, despite how much I enjoy watching 7s rugby, netball, or cricket. However, there are good sports that can be added to the Olympics and still fulfil my Olympic Ideals.

Depth Free-Diving: For the uninitiated, depth free-diving is a sport where the competitors see who can dive the deepest, and often end up drowning. Besides being scary, it nicely fits the ideal further.
Endurance Racing: Effectively a triathlon over an entire day, an endurance race would make a perfect sport for the Olympics. Cycle, mountain running, and kayaking all combined into eight hours of pain. It easily fulfils the ideal swifter.
Gliding: Graceful and challenging, gliding has both endurance and speed elements, making it a good candidate for my Olympics.
Motor sport: If people are allowed horses and sails, then we should allow motors into the Olympics. I suggest Formula Ford or similar class or car, and 500cc motocross. Fast, dirty, fun!
Paragliding: Think of it: a target at the bottom of a valley, and some paragliders at the top of a thundering great mountain. The gold is awarded to the person who takes the shortest time to go from the mountain to the target. Posthumous medals are a possibility.
Rock Climbing: There would be two types of rock-climbing in my Olympics: sport (where you have a set path up the face and use ropes), and bouldering (which involves short climbs without ropes). Both disciplines fulfil the ideal swifter.
Surf Lifesaving: With the demise of beach volleyball, I needed another sport to reclaim the sand, and surf lifesaving is an ideal candidate. Bronzed bodies running and swimming at the beach and it fulfils the ideal swifter.
Thai Kick Boxing: Most martial arts are shoe-ins for Olympic sports as they fulfil the ideal deadlier, and Thai kick-boxing is a glaring omission from the current lineup of sports.